She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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