from now on my penis is your penis
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
