fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
