My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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