i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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