Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
