she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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