Don't make out with my wife yet
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
