You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
