he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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