I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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