Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
