Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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