I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
