Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
