I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
