Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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