oh god the rape fog is back!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
