Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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