on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Sorry my hands just texted you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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