from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
