you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
