moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
