Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
