Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
