I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
