yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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