god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
