Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
