I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
