Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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