im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
