We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
