I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
