so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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