I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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