The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You are the jesus of drinking
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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