$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
