No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
