Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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