I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
