I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
