So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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