The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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