Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
