It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
