dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you never un-have a 4some
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
