I'm lost and stupid without you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
