This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
