so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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