I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
