u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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