You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
