I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
