we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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