Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
