Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
