so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't want my vagina anymore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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