4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
