he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A bitchslap is in order.
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