ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
