after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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