I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
