guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Operation Purity has been aborted
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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