Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
