I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
