Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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