btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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