Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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