You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
