id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
