in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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