Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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