You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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