hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
