Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
