I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
