Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I pour the whiskey from now on
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
