Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
