Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
