Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
