maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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