The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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