Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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