Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
