u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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