I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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