my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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