you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
