she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
