i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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