Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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