fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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