Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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