I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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