dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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