just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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