i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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