my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
