I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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