I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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