Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
