Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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