It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize