Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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